Trailheads Lose A Man, Tramp Through Piedmont Park, And Stuff Their Gaping Pieholes At Woody’s CheeseSteaks.

It is a sad day in Trailhead Land. We lost one of our own, a man in the prime of his life who has hung up his hiking boots and gone to his great reward– if you think playing pickleball, practicing guitar, and perfecting cat photography are treats.

On this overcast day, we learned our beloved Roy Tumbles is no more. We know some news sources will jump to the conclusion he met his demise at the hands of a rabid squirrel or fled the country to avoid incarceration for any number of known criminal acts, but no, that's not the case.

He tendered his resignation from hiking with Trailheads at lunch. If you missed the shocking, world-shattering news, read the press release here. TRIGGER WARNING:  Keep your Kleenex box close at hand.

Instantly, the rumor mill began churning conspiracy theories about his abrupt exit. Did Roy resign because he feared being abducted by ICE agents for participating in a NO KINGS march? 

Did Roy leave the Trailheads to join a triathlon training group?

Was Roy afraid of attacks from MAGA Nation now that Trailheads have gone rogue against fearless leader and declared their allegiance to The Constitution, democratic values, and freedom of expression?

Is Roy really the new lead guitarist of U2? 

Was Roy’s exit caused by his pursuit of a profitable career selling Amway?

No, we don’t think he left hiking for any of those reasons. It seems Roy has an aversion to nature, sunlight, and fresh air. He has always described himself as The Great Indoorsman. 

So naturally, he’s retreating to his natural state, within the safe confines of walls, where the climate can be controlled, vinyl records can be played, snacks and beverages are readily available, and nature can be observed in air-conditioned comfort through a window.

But before he dropped his bombshell, he laced his bright white shoes for our expedition in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park, still wet from recent rains.

Steve missed our hike due to work. Work, seriously? What’s wrong with him? Roy, George, Brad, and Patrick rallied behind Trail Master Guy. Trailheads last trekked through Piedmont Park in May 2024. Read about that adventure here and learn its history.

It was a cool morning as Autumn took hold with icy fingers. We walked past the site of the new Vietnam Memorial that will soon be constructed.

We strolled past a film production and asked if they needed five handsome men to act. They said they were very interested and asked us to inform the handsome actors about their shoot. We cried, dried tears, and moved toward the craft services tables for snacks, and were tasered away.

Patrick was starving and began rummaging through the back of a garbage truck. We believe he’s part raccoon. Then we all supported Patrick, as we do, by posing for a selfie with his garbage smorgasbord.

George found a chair sitting alone under a tree. Of course, he had to capture the moment (we think he may be working on a new book about furniture with dreams of competing in the Olympics).

And then he made an astounding discovery inside a white climbing mound on a playground. We quietly walked away as if we had seen nothing. Nothing at all.

We grabbed selfies in idyllic spots, spoiling Mother Nature’s hard work. 

One shot showed George lifting the bridge. That guy really is in great shape.

We walked along the Beltline dodging athletic runners and fast walkers, scooters, and bikes. It seemed like everyone had it in for us (who could blame them?). We passed one lady and her dog several times. It was almost like she was stalking us. We are accustomed to that so it didn't bother us. Then again, maybe she would soon have us “disappeared” and get the last laugh.

As we headed back to the park we met Isabelle, who works for Trees Atlanta. We are big fans of their good works. Trail Master has volunteered to help them in the past. All along the Beltline he pointed proudly at trees he had helped plant.

Trailheads walked past the back of buildings and spied a nail salon’s provocative slogan. We spent the next half-hour discussing our perceptions of nail care (we had no idea we held so many).

It was lunchtime, and today we were indulging at an Atlanta landmark, the original Woody’s CheeseSteak on Monroe Ave.

This joint has been transporting Atlantans to Philadelphia since 1975. The flavor of thinly shaved steak cuts, diced with sweet peppers and onions cooked on a flat-top grill, topped by melted white American cheese, and loaded into a warm baguette from Liscio’s bakery outside of Philly is transcendental.

As we sat down to enjoy our cheesesteaks, Roy, ever the contrarian, ate his hot dog. All the sandwiches were incredible, and we made short work of them as our bellies cooed in delight.

The chips and slaw were also mighty tasty.

Then it happened. Roy approached the table carrying a mysterious red folder. He opened it slowly and distributed his official press release announcing his retirement from hiking with Trailheads. 

Guy looked up from the page. “You’ve been hiking with us?” he said. “I thought you only came for lunches.”

“Can I have your boots?” George asked. “They’re always so clean.”

“Great, Roy—now I’ll have to do all the falling,” Patrick said sarcastically.

“You’re not going to make me do the blog posts, I hope,” Brad said.

We immediately tried persuading him to continue walking the good walk with us, to no avail. His mind was made up, sealed shut, like oysters clutching their pearls. But we convinced him to keep his eating shoes active — we enjoy the hairy lug’s company, and we need his talents doctoring our photos and adding saucy spice to our blog posts. 

In Bristol, CT, the ESPN crew was abuzz over his shocking announcement. The Roy Tumbles retirement story would become the lead story over the World Series and upcoming college football and NFL games.

Sports fans worldwide were shocked by the news.

“Roy put up some incredible stats,” said Tom Sniggergrass of Stockton, CA. “I don’t think anyone’s ever fallen as often as he did. The man earned his Roy Tumbles nickname.”

“The news is like when The Beatles broke up,” Yoona Lee of Seoul, Korea, said. “You just feel a little dead inside, you know?”

“I always picked Roy in my Draft Kings bets,” confessed John Templegram of Destin, FL. “I made some serious scratch on that guy. I’ll miss my moneymaker.”

We all will, John, but Roy has done what he needed to do. He is keeping the outdoors outdoors and enjoying the view from inside his toasty house.

The trails bid you hasta la vista, Roy. We hardly knew ye. And keep those Thursday lunch dates open. We’ll always have a seat at the table for you.

Rating: Four Ribs*

Woody’s CheeseSteaks

981 Monroe Dr. NE

Atlanta, GA  30308

 (404) 689-2339

*About Our Barbecue Rating System

Trailheads do not claim to be food experts, epicureans, or sophisticated palates. We are hungry hikers who attack a selected barbecue venue and ravage our way through whatever smoked fare and fixings they're dishing out. Our reviews feature what we believe are the highlights of the menu we sampled. So our intent is not to trash talk the saintly folks who tend to smoldering smokers on hot, humid summer days. They are sacrificing themselves in the noble art of smoking meats and feeding the drooling masses. Many are independent entrepreneurs who are the backbone of this humming American economy. Now that you know our standards, you may wonder why every barbecue place gets a four-ribs rating. The answer is easy: our group has acclaimed designers, and they think the ribs graphic looks cool. Who are we to argue? Enjoy.

• barbecue

• AtlantaBarbecue

• bbq sauce

• brisket

• Brisket

• ChattahoocheeChallenge

• Chiggers

• Elvis Loves Fio

• hikingforfood

• HikingGeorgia

• hiking

• North Georgia BBQ

• Pierre de Coubertin Medal

• Pulled Pork

• quicksand

• Ribs

• Trailheads

• Trailheads Approved

• White sauce

• TrailheadsHike

• City BBQ

• Summit Coffee

• Okra

• AJC

• Olivia

• Glacier National Park

• Island Ford Trail

• Pulitzer

• Chattahoochee National Park Conservancy

• Atlanta Journal-Constitution